Forget the Fairytales

Once upon a time, it was so easy to believe in love. I was raised on the typical ABC’s of fairy tales: Someday My Prince Will Come, True Love Conquers All, and even the Tramp will come around for the right Lady. But fast forward twenty years, I’m single, living in Chicago, and striking out in the game of love worse than the Cubs. What I should have been doing was paying attention to those other fairy tales. You know, the other ones… the ones that were boring and had nothing to do with happily ever after. Like the Three Little Pigs and Little Red Riding Hood. All this time I’ve been so busy searching for my Johnny Castle, my Prince Charming, I forgot to bother to watch out for The Big Bad Wolf, and it seems these days I’m running into him all the time.
Let’s examine. For starters, that wolf really gets around. He’s definitely in more than one fairy tale: I mean if he’s not “crying Wolf” of dressed in sheep’s cloths, he’s scaring Little Red, and trying to evict the Pigs. That’s really pretty greedy, can’t he just stick to one story without thumbing his way through the entire library. Why is this character so evident, so permanent, so substantial? He’s selfish, he’s devious, he’s cunning. But in every story he seems to put everyone into some kind of charming, debonair and attractive trance. There’s something about this wolf that keeps people wanting more. Not one story ends with the main character telling him to Fuck off and throwing a drink in his face. Something about him keeps you wanting more, trusting and desiring his company. Something makes you want to get to know him. I bet you do know him….as a matter of fact, I bet you’ve dated him…
While re-reading these tales, I find myself thinking, “Come-on, how dumb is this Red, doesn’t she know what her Grandmother looks like?”, and “Really Little Pig? Straw? That’ll keep him away…” However, sad to report that in terms of Loveland, I’m no better than these dumb bitches myself. Take Red. She’s sweet, she’s kind, her Red Hood Cloak is the envy of all her friends. She’s on her way down the road of life when she comes face to face with the Wolf, but she’s so distracted trying to get where she wants to go broadcasts each and everything she “dreams of” in a relationship and continues on her way. The Wolf didn’t have to try very hard, all he had to do was show up, and now he knows everything he needs to get Red. Hes just gotta dress up and pretend to be the person she is looking for. Someone she wants, someone she trusts. Someone she has been searching for. It isn’t until she’s gotten too close that she realizes she’s about to be devoured. I find myself a lot like Red, allowing myself to be tricked into not seeing someone for who they really are but rather who we want them to be. Or even worse, full well knowing they are not that person, and then trying to change them anyways. The wolf may be cunning and smart, and know just what Red wants to hear, but she’s the one who has really already wrote the story in her mind.
She says to the Wolf: “My what big drinks we have” he replies: “The better to see you, my dear.” She says, “My, what going on in your head?” he replies “Afraid, I can’t hear you, my dear” and finally “My, what big teeth you have.” He says, “The better to tear out your heart and leave you, for some pigs in the next town.” And before you know it that Wolf is gone, on to the next one, and her only hope for survival is some lonely woodsmen who might hear her cry, if he’s not too busy shooting a Bounty add or buying a new flannel shirt.
Maybe, if we would have learned this story when we were younger, we would seen that Red should have taken some time to really get to know this Wolf, and maybe she would have decided she wasn’t that interested in his schemes, and just gone shopping for a new Pink Hood Cloak instead…. I mean who can wear Red everyday… Really?
In addition to her mistakes, these Three Little Pigs were hardly any better. They were actually worse, cause I’m sure they heard round town that this guy had a bad wrap but they still chose to play. He wasn’t even putting in as much effort as he did with Red. In that story, he pretended to be someone else. In this one, he just goes right over to the first pig’s house and says…
“Hey, I’m a wolf, and I’m going to huff and puff and blow your heart down.”, and though he tells her, he is no good, she still somehow sticks around for the second act. Building a weak boundary around her heart she allows him a second chance. This is way too easy. The wolf blows right through that little porker and devours her poor heart before she can say bacon.
Unsatisfied, that Wolf moves on to the next little pig, who, let’s be honest, is totally friends with the first little pig and really shouldn’t be messing with the Wolf because she knows exactly what he’s capable of.
She thinks to herself “He may have blown her heart away but I’m sure I’m different. I can change him” she’s smiles thinking, “I know he’s really a cuddle wolf at heart and I can’t resist finding out just how big and bad he really is for myself” …This may work for a little while, but eventually no stick or straw is going to stop that Wolf from taking exactly what he wants and moving on…
Ah, the third little Pig, smarter than those other pigs, she says “I’ve seen what you did to one and two, and I’ve got news for you…I’ll build bricks round my heart, and you’ll never get through” And she does, she puts a wall up and hides away from the Wolf. But like all the others somehow that wolf still finds a way in…he starts to get into her head, and eventually her heart, and despite her best efforts he’s found his way in. And so she does the only thing she knows how she burns him before he can burn her.
I used to think I’m like that third little Pig. That if I could build a big wall made of brick, then no Wolf would ever be able to huff and puff and blow my heart away, and it works sure, but it gets a little lonely in there. So, I let my guard down, and end up finding myself just like all the others, and no matter how many times I build the wall and take it down, it always seems to end the same.
But, if we really had paid attention to these stories when we were younger, would we be any better? Would we learn to be choosey with who we give our heart to? Or would be make the same mistakes all over again? It’s easy to want to hibernate and not let anyone into our house of bricks. But, I still have to believe that at some point there won’t be a Wolf at the door and we will find someone who wants to build the house with us. And though we are never going to find him sitting by the fire with the door locked, maybe we shouldn’t just go around serving our hearts on a silver platter either. Maybe we can try a little harder to recognize that Wolf, even if he is in sheep’s clothing. And not Cry Wolf, over every guy we think is the one. And spend a little more time working on ourselves and loving number one, instead of searching for him. Maybe then after a while we will be smarter than Red, and we can head out in our Pink Riding Hood and spend our time with Grandma and the people who really matter. I’m no one to take advice from, I have no idea what I’m doing myself, but I think for everyone, building your own happy ending may be the real answer to happily ever after, and everything else is just… well…hogwash.