Total Eclipse of the Heart

It was the 4th inning, the Cubs were up against the Cards, the sun had set slowly upon a full field of delighted fans, and in between pouring Margaritas and Old Style I took a moment to notice the most perfectly round, huge, golden moon, I have ever seen. It was smiling down at me from just over right field. One of my favorite Chicago moments thus far, and I was sharing it with 40,000, of my newest friends. I looked out into the crowd. I began to wonder about the people in the stands. Each person having a different plan, a different day, different ideas, different beliefs, as diverse as you can imagine…(there may have even been a few Sox fans out there!) No matter what was happening in each person’s life, something had lead them to Wrigley Field that night, something had brought us all together under the luminous glow of a gorgeous harvest moon. Looking up at it, I immediately thought: “ahhh, it’s a full moon, no wonder everything today has been crazy.” We experience this universal anomaly once a month. My mom used to work in the ER, and she always said it was always busy on full moon nights. Werewolves come out, people can come back from the dead, and supposedly for one night everything goes topsy turvy.
And then, by the smell of fresh Bison hot dogs, and criss crossedly cut grass, it occurred to me: Could I possibly be in the full moon of my lifetime?

The universe is always changing, waxing and waning. People are being born, growing old, graduating high school, having their first kiss, first child, last piece of chocolate cake before a beginning a diet, finding a new job, moving to a new city, feeling special, alive and vibrant….and much like a really good sale, these euphoric moments tend to come quickly, burn brightly and only stay for a limited time. Why then are we so surprised when everything in our lives suddenly begins to wane in a direction we weren’t anticipating. People say everything happens for a reason. And I might just be the biggest believer in destiny there could ever be, but maybe its not just destiny, because maybe its more than that…. You can’t believe in destiny if you don’t believe in yourself. Because at the end of the day, you can easily say everything happens for a reason, but if you don’t trust your own heart that the decisions you have made which have curved your path, then believing in destiny is like when you were 7, and you used to will the ice cream man to come into your neighborhood on a hot day in the summer with your friends. Sure he might show up, but no amount of you wishing it, would have really made it true…unless it was on his route to begin with. But, maybe if could have just had fun, lived in the moment, chased that cute neighbor boy around the block on your bike, and ran through the sprinkler a time or two, you may have forgotten you even wanted ice cream to begin with, or maybe your mom would have surprised you with it. That’s the thing when your not expecting it, you somehow get everything you ever wanted.

Its been a little while since I last wrote, and its no secret, things in my life have been changing for a while…a lot of new beginnings: moving across the country, finding a new job, new friends, new favorite shoe store…and with them comes some endings: ending a relationship, missing my Vegas network, and feeling slightly out of place in my new life, but I’ve come to realize this is just the full moon. When, things are slightly crazy and unexpected. However its these times when the most spontaneous and wonderful moments can sneak up on you. It’s the time when mom brings home ice cream sandwiches. It’s the time to re connect with old friends, past lovers, and make room for new experiences, new people, new beginnings.
I think about that moon now, and how beautiful something that symbolizes so much uncertainty can really be. And uncertainty is really just fear taking over. Take the fear out and all you have is is a bright glowing ball of hope. By the end of the game, the Cubs had lost, but I didn’t feel lost anymore, and as I untapped the kegs and restocked the coolers I decided I’m going to embrace this new full moon of my life. I’m going to allow the tides to pull me where they may, and eventually I am confident that if I trust my heart to be the eclipse which guides me, I’ll eventually find a crescent of the life I’ve been dreaming of.