Back on the Shelf

This is for any and every girl that has ever been single.

Maybe its because I myself am back out there again, but it seems I cant go anywhere without hearing talk about how lame guys are lately…and well ladies, I hate to say it, but…yes, most men in their 20s and some 30s, are just that. And before you write me off as a man hating crazy pants… hear me out. Guys today are kinda lame and its mostly because they can be. Technology and the women’s revolution have been huge strides in the last 20 years of life for us gals, but how far are they really setting us back in the world of dating?

When my mom was dating my dad it was so much easier. She gave him her number sure, but if she decided to go out, and he called, that phone would just ring. There was no answering machine to pick up a late night call. No cell phone to get a hold of her or less effort still…send her a text. No email. No facebook. I am 100 percent guilty of this, but tell me ladies, just how are we supposed to keep the mystery about us when any man can simply turn on his computer, or phone and by reading your tweets, your posts and your status updates know exactly what your up to…I mean no offense, but how easy is it to be a guy dating these days? I bet when my dad called my mom and she wasn’t there he spent a minute wondering where she was, and thought about how he could see her again.

Evolution states that as time goes on people and animals adapt to situations which sustain life more efficiently. Have we as people really evolved into a loveless culture? What happened to the days of throwing rocks at the window? Of romance? Of dating verses “hanging out” with someone? Where for art thou Romeo?…umm honestly probably at the corner bar shooting shots of Jameson and trying out his A game on a 21 year old.
Stand by for a text around 2:15 am on his way out of Taco Bell wondering “what’s up”…yes, it happens and we all know it happens (and sometimes after a really great night with the girls… we do it too) And sure, you can wait around for a white knight, or someone to sweep you off your feet…but ladies, why are we waiting for anything at all?
I say, quit waiting for John Cusak to come and hold that boom box outside your window,( I know him and trust, its never gonna happen.) That ship sailed in the late 80’s. There may have still been a sparkle of a chance in those days that people still believed in romance, but sadly, these days most people use ear buds with their I pods, and lurking outside your window, used to be called Chivalry is now known as Stalking. However, I will give kudos to Peter Gabrielle. That song is amazing, and will always be amazing.

So what do we do then? How about its time we start thinking about what we want. Maybe we should approach dating the way we approach shoe shopping…try on lots of men, until you find the right one.

Think about when your in the store, and your wandering through the aisle and then suddenly as if God himself had brought them from heaven you gaze upon the most delicious pair of peep toe stiletto platforms you have ever seen. You get a little excited as you dash over to them. Holding them in your hand you want nothing more than to take them home that very night, to have them forever to wear them everyday. Your mind starts reeling, you find it hard to concentrate. You simply have to try them on, and possibly max out your credit card to buy them. “Can I try these on?” you squeal to the sales girl. In that moment, wild horses, this month’s rent, or double chocolate cupcakes could not pull you away from those shoes. As she heads into the back room, the minutes feel like hours…your antsy, your dizzy, you feel intoxicated by the smell of patent leather. Why is she taking so long? Where is she? And then, you get that sinking feeling in your stomach: What if they don’t have them? What if they don’t fit? You rationalize, you tell yourself that’s impossible. You hang on to every shred of hope that she will reappear soon. And just when you feel as though you might die and can’t wait another moment, there she is…empty handed, with a disgruntled look on her face. “I’m sorry, I don’t have your size”, she says. And for a second your heart breaks, and you feel a little crushed but I’m willing to bet, in all your disappointment within a few minutes you will be looking over the shelves again for a new pair, or better yet going to a new store.

And sure, shoes don’t cuddle with you on the couch, or send you flowers on your birthday. But the feeling is the same, of loving something so much, you simply can’t live without it. And that’s how it feels to be infatuated with a guy. There’s a lot of potential and promise in the beginning, but it doesn’t always end up working out in the end. But the thing about mules, verses men is: the wrong pair doesn’t really hurt, or make you feel bad about yourself. It doesn’t make you question your judgment, or wish they would fit you better. When the sales girl tells you they are unavailable, or they don’t fit you right, you sigh… smile and keep on looking with feverish optimism.

Why then, are we so quick to put a wrong pair back on the shelf without batting an eyelash, but we spend days obsessing over a man who was most likely so wrong for us we should probably have never taken him out of the box to begin with. Why aren’t we just as quick to move on, as in the shoe store? We know we deserve better, we know they should be a perfect fit, or better yet, even available. We know what we are looking for. We ladies, are not needy pathetic losers, we actually do know how to play the game. We know how to catch a man, to keep him guessing, to be mysterious, aloof and attractive, but sometimes its just not the right timing. Would you expect to find strappy white sandals on sale in January? No. So stop expecting love is gonna be any easier, because as much as you might want them you should probably just enjoy the Uggs on display and wait for spring thaw when the timing is right. If every pair you tried fit, finding the perfect pair wouldn’t be very special.
And every now and then, you will find the perfect pair. The ones you were destined to be with. They will fit great, they will look great. They make you feel sexier, stronger and smarter. And your already awesome life will be a little brighter. Shouldn’t we be looking for the same thing in a guy? If there was a dreamy pair of pink pumps that just weren’t right for me, Id want them to be back out there for some other girl to find them. Instead of buying them or hanging on to the thought of them. So the same for dating. If he doesn’t make you feel sexier, stronger, smarter or brighten your world, move on…put him back on that shelf.
Because, out there, there is a pair of shoes and someone who will be your “sole”mate. Maybe even more than one. I’ve had a lot of great men in my past, and well you should see my closet.
So don’t give up hope girls, don’t waste anymore time. And, if our generation really is evolving to be loveless, I say keep looking for that special pair, discarding the wrong ones along the way, and if your going to wear your heart on your sleeve, just make sure your shoes match.